Mon, 29 Jan: I created an email address and deja account under [the Bastards] name. I was going to make up a name that was an anagram of Luke Burrage but I couldn't work one out. I then just took the name of my brother's budgie for the first name and my brother in law's surname. I post a message to rec.juggling immediately establishing my character's views on juggling mainly that anyone who isn't as good as him is "s***". I've also made sure that [the Bastard] was going to make a website.
This is how I plan to reveal the truth of [the Bastard] to the victims of the scam. I'll make a mock website and have all the links going to a page on my site saying "Ha! Fooled you all!"
I hope it works.
On a side note, C. Sutton actually replied to [the Bastard's] query while everyone else was thinking "why don't you just post a message saying 'Flame me now!'?" Still, that's C. Sutton for you.
Tue, 30 Jan: I sent a message to rec.juggling as [the Bastard] in reply to another message I just wrote. This should distance suspicion from me.
I also posted a message on a different thread, as me, saying I wasn't going to reply to [the Bastard's] post. One of the responses I got had some names in like N.Gin. I don't know who these are but I'll look them up.
---- -- ---- -- -----
Wed, 31 Jan: I sent a third message to rec.juggling and it is my nastiest, most successful [the Bastard] post yet. I am very pleased with the .sig file I made up, it seems to be getting everyone wound up.
People seem to be biting back a bit more now, and there seems to be a rather healthy "lets beat up on [the Bastard]" feel going on. I also detect that while everyone is comforting Dave on his website (the one I ripped to bits) they are actually agreeing with [the Bastard] in some ways that it could be better. Maybe I should have picked a website by someone I know so I don't feel so bad about it ...
I told the guys in the Uk Jugglers/little paul's big chatroom that I wrote [the Bastard] an email and send them a copy of it. I then used that email and reply to rec.juggling. Of course I edited out the parts about "juggling two more then you". No-one will even think I could be behind this. Or that I would be that sad to post replies to emails I sent myself. Still, he who laughs last ...
---- - -- -- later -- - -
Mini wants to see [the Bastard] juggle. I have just thought of another way of revealing the identity to everyone. Turn up at a juggling convention and enter the show as [the Bastard] wearing a fake beard, dark glasses and a wig. I'll have to think about it. Then maybe do a double bluff and say it was just me doing an impression of [the Bastard]. I'm not sure.
I posted a message to rec.juggling as myself showing everyone the real email I sent, not the edited version that [the Bastard] posted. I also put out a direct challenge to [the Bastard] to meet me at either hastings or liverpool juggling convention. I think I'll keep up the act until Liverpool which is in a few weeks time.
I also just read a post that went like this:
In article <95951v$95v$1@nnrp1.deja.com>,
[the Bastard]wrote:
[snip snide comments]
[snip insulting remarks about other jugglers]
[snip gratuitous swipe at the US]
>[the Bastard] can juggle two more then you.
Alas, it doesn't make up for your annoying personality
and alarmingly small genitals.
Alan
This is exactly the kind of response I wanted. I do believe it's working.
---- ---- --
Thur, 1 Feb: I received a nice message:
It appears that you've posted to rec.juggling four times in the past
few days. I don't recall your posting here before that at all. Every
one of your posts has been name calling, so I'm dropping you in
the killfile for a couple of months. Maybe you'll grow up a bit in
the meantime. If not, I'll just make it permanent.
--
Stephen Whitis
This really is going well. I'm not sure if I should hold off for a day or post a message or two. Can I keep up writing a few messages for the next 3 weeks? I'll give it a go. Patience is the key, the longer I can resist revealing [the Bastard's] true identity the better it will be but I don't want to leave it too long or someone might work it out. Hmmm, what to do...
--- a bit later ---
I've just been looking though some of the messages after the one above and they aren't all so promising:
> --
> [the Bastard]can juggle two more then you.
>
[the Bastard] can't spell.
([the Bastard] thinks he can juggle two more THAN you.)
santos.
I made that same mistake in the chocfest review I wrote and the Mamphmeister picked up on it. I hope that stupid mistake doesn't give me away. Also, from the guy who's website I slagged off:
oh yeah, and this was two weeks after I had the cancerous tumor
removed frommy testicle, not to mention the fact that i was
debating chemo thearapy theentire show. That also puts a little
damper on how well you are juggling,and balancing for that matter.
good work at making an amature juggler feel awesome!!!!
david Riley
I think I should have made my character more of an idiotic loudmouth than an abusive arrogant bastard. I would have felt a lot less guilty for that.
But I must not let guilt sand in the way of art. Or is it Art (capital A)? That's right, darlings, Art. Or is it a social experiment? No, I think it might just be a prank by luke burrage that will make him as unpopular as [the Bastard] is now. I'll have to see how it goes.
This message is more of a mixed blessing:
Hey, I don't know if anyone has noticed, but [the Bastard] is an anagram of:
nee ring gel
Which converted to geordie implies he's a bit of a tight arse..
Ewano
In one way I feel good about this because I didn't use an name that was an anagram of anything but I feel annoyed at Ewan for sowing seeds of doubt into the minds of people that [the Bastard] isn't actually a real person. Could this whole thing fall to bits in day 4? I hope not.
--- later still ---
I replied to mini's message as [the Bastard]. I'm going to stick a pillow up my jumper and juggle 7 Jacobs Clubs. I'll see if I can get a slot in the Liverpool Show. I'll email Davesy and see if they have an opening.
I keep almost posting as the wrong person. I signed up to uk jugglers too. That will be easier as my email is yahoo and [the Bastard's] is lycos.
--- later again (late) ---
Bummer, I think [the Bastard] has been rumbled. Mini included this in his reply:
nice one looks like we get to see [the Bastard] after all.
come to liverpool as you say i will video you and post the capture
for all to see. save you spending your cash.
personally i aint sure he exists other than in someones imagination
not many 7 club jugglers about.. toby though is going to liverpool.
in the show as well. so unless your toby you aint nobody baby
The bit I don't like is the "someones imagination". Not good at all. Still, I also replied to [the Bastard's] message myself so even if people do just start thinking he is a fake plan be will come into effect which is keeping people from guessing it is me as the witch hunt starts.
Still, Check this out:
Your effort to impress yourself upon the juggling community have met with
success.
You were intenting to prove to everyone what an "amature" ass you are,
right?
Again, success!
---
Wed, 2 Feb: Ok, the general theme of things is that everyone is looking forward to meeting [the Bastard] at Liverpool. And as Barnesy just said, this "movie" thread is turning into a great advert for the convention. I'm going to write the organisers an email.
Hello,
I was wondering if there were still openings
for more acts in the liverpool show. Please get
back to me about me doing short one.
yours:[the Bastard]
I think that should be fun. I also have got two emails from people offering me webspace. [the Bastard] is going down quite well. I'm not sure if I should post again or just see what happens with my email...
Well, quite an instant result, dave forwarded it to everyone and asked what he should say. I'm going to advise saying he can go in the show, but relegate him to the renegade.
Hmmm. I don't know what to do with this yet but thought it the single
most
funny email I've seen in a long time! What do I say to the guy?
Don't let on that I've forwarded this!
Dave
-----Original Message----- etc
And I like lp's comments:
"I say let him do it, and then we can all rip into him on the NG for being crap (even if hes not)"
"can we get him and luke next to eachother, and see if he can really ''do 2 more than you''"
Little does he know...
I sent a message to uk_jugglers email list:
Hello
I'm not from the UK but I have just moved here. I will be
up at Liverpool for the juggling convention. I'll see you there.
yours:[the Bastard]
I hope now to get him banned by the moderator. Maybe.
--- - - later - ---
I know that Dave shared the email above with everyone. I think Colin E. has worked it out. I can always deny it, and will.:
Looking forward to the 7 club flash, although we all know flashing
is for soft pussies. Real men juggle ;-)
Come to Liverpool so that we can all have a luke at you!
Luke at me, get it? Luke at me. I won't even mention it.
Little Paul came into the ukjugglers chatroom as [the Bastard]. That is good because now I won't have to do it as a joke... I think I will anyway.
After a short stint in uk_jugglers chat as myself pretending to be [the Bastard] I returned this email to Colin E:
So, do I have a place in the show? All I want to
do is a quick 5 club routine and then 7. I have
got more than a flash with 7 clubs but I've not
caught that on camera yet.
your:[the Bastard]
The plan is to get colin to admit that he's got nothing to do with organising the liverpool convention (cos he's from leeds) and then post to uk_jugglers list with a massive rant about them forwarding private emails to to people it doesn't concern. Blatant hypocricy, I like it.
--- --- later still -- - -
Colin didn't reply so I've not sent that email. Maybe he is convinced, because I didn't pick up on the "luke at you" bit, that [the Bastard] isn't me. Or maybe Colin just hasn't had chance to reply. I hate having to second guess people like this.
Other speculation is that [the Bastard] is Dan the Hat. If he is accused of being the impostor publicly before Liverpool I will say it is true, that I am in fact Dan the Hat. That should make things fun in part B. I could then admit to being someone else (not sure who, but another name should come up) and then admit it is me (as [the Bastard]) but deny it as me (real me). I think it should be fun.
I'm going away for the weekend and wont have opportunity to post anything as [the Bastard] but will be with people who don't know it is me. This will be a new dimension to the deception, not just words on the internet any more. I hope I can pull it off.
signing off for now,
[the Bastard]
--- - -- -----
Mon, 5 Feb: I've been away for the weekend. People know this so I'm not going to post as [the Bastard] until tomorrow or maybe Wednesday. I was asked if I was [the Bastard] but denied it. It all went a lot smoother than I thought it would.
Here is a cool post to rec.juggling:
Syphilitic Crackwhore of the Month Award Winner!
It also seems that [the Bastard] has a rival Bastard on rec.juggling. His name is Dave Bostock and keeps threatening to sue people for mistaking his name for bollocks, or something that lame. It turns out he is a real bastard being totally serious (I say that with caution, he might be a counter-wind-up). This makes [the Bastards] character suddenly much more believable:
Vote now!!
... if you would like to see N. Green and D. Bostock trapped in
a lift together.
I also find it quite amusing that my way of referring to other people within the internet/juggling world has caught on. Initial dot space Surname. Cool.
I got the anticipated email back from Colin E. That is perfect ammunition for [the Bastards] future assault on uk_jugglers:
Hi [the Bastard],
Sorry but I do not organise the show - althogh I
could certainly have a word with the man who
does. I am sure you will be welcome to join in.
It will be cool to see you do 7 club - it is something
I have worked on myself. I have flashed it once
but it was a bit of a fLUKE.
regards,
COlin E.
He admits he has nothing to do with the show so I can get back them for spreading private emails but it seems he still suspects [the Bastard] is me. bit of a fLUKE. Get it? bit of a fLUKE. Hmmm.
(A question I have to ask myself now is "Should I feel guilty about putting people's private emails for people to read on this page?")
A real Nigel also posted the question to uk_jugglers asking where [the Bastard] is from. I think I'll make him come from either Australia, South Africa or the United Arab Emirates. Why? Not sure...
Speaking to mini on yahoo messenger:
durhamcityjuggler: i heard somewhere you and Nigel are doing an act
a rehearsed one etc for liverpool. this true?
lukeburrage: Not that I know. I offered to out-juggle
him on stage though.
durhamcityjuggler: which Nigel? club swinger nigel
or niugel green? the one a lot of eople
think is actually you
durhamcityjuggler: Luke IS Nigel.
durhamcityjuggler: and dave bostock
lukeburrage: Eh? I though he was Dan the Hat...
lukeburrage: thought, even
durhamcityjuggler: i considered that as well. and Dan
has been quiet for a while!
And it was that easy to deflect suspicion to Dan. I don't even know who he is. Poor guy.
---- - - --- - ---- - -
Tues 6, Feb:
Today I realised that a check I paid my phone bill with bounced so my phoneline was cut off. I'm at college now. Not much happening on rec.juggling or uk_jugglers concerning [the Bastard] but I expected that as I haven't posted as him for ages.
I've sent two emails as [the Bastard], one to Colin E and one to uk_jugglers:
1 -
If you've got nothing to do with the show, what the
fuck are you doing replying to my email? Have you
got anything to do with the liverpool convention
at all? I doubt it, coming from leeds. How did you
even get my email in the first place? Your not who
I sent it to.
yours:[the Bastard]
2 -
I don't like what is going on here. I sent an email to
liverpool@juggler.net asking about being in the show
and have got emails back off people who have nothing
to do with organising it. How many people was my email
shared out to? I guess that is what happened.
If you want to say something to me either post it here
where we can all see it or email me it. Why is it I was
told to fuck off for sharing private emails then you
all do the same?
Also, my name is Nigel John Green and I'm living in
north london for now. I don't know exactly why I was
named Nigel but if I was a girl my mother would have
called me Amanda-Faye. It's a good job I'm not female
as I think that name sucks and also females cant juggle.
yours:[the Bastard]
I guess I'll see how it goes tomorrow...
--- - - --- -- --
Wed 7th, Feb: There seems to be a bit of a problem, the email that I sent to uk_jugglers didn't seem to make it through... I just sent it again (now I'm back at my home computer) and it still isn't getting through. Does this mean I've been banned already when I haven't done anything? A pity, I wanted to see the reaction to the "girls can't juggle"... wait a second, while I was writing that sentance the lttle box popped up on the bottom of my screen telling me I had recieved that email, cool.
I might post to rec.juggling as [the Bastard] about the new videos at the help section on the JIS. I'm sure I can think of something he can be a bastard about, I've not watched them yet though.
----- -- --
There were a number of emails sent to uk_jugglers about [the Bastard] which implied that he is, infact, a bastard. There was also a call for anyone who emailed [the Bastard] to own up to it. I might.
Some quotes:
"Your behaviour on rec.juggling struck you of any respect you think you deserve.
Is Mr. Moderator listening? I think we have a prime candidate for
moderation here!"
"3) Bloody hell man, you'll be telling us next that blokes can't club
swing..."
"Just out of interest, how do you know you weren't e-mailed by the
organisers? Also, would anyone who did e-mail Nigel care to own up
now, thereby attacking him in a public forum and not behind closed
doors. There may be prizes"
Also I got an email off mini:
[the Bastard], as OWNER of the uk jugglers egroup i will
ask you this one time only.
no not swear!
and unless you can posatively prove that girls
cant juggle then dont act like a prat and state so
So does this mean that when mini wrote to uk_jugglers:
Guess what..
[the Bastard] can now not post without it comming through
me first and it only gets to the list if i like it!!
[the Bastard] if you have a problem with this email me..
if you really want you can even call me voice..
most people on here have my number so i have no problem giving it out.
[number cut out]
that he will check every email or just that he would tell him not to swear? Lets find out...
I know that the people I got emails off had nothing to do
with organising the show because emailed back and asked if
I had a place in the show and got this reply : sorry but
I do not organise the show - althogh I could certainly have
a word with the man who does. I am sure you will be welcome
to join in.
That one was off Colin E. and the one off Luke Burrage I
didnt answer because I gather he is from scarbrourogh
which is the other end of the country and he sounds like
a twat. Both emails had the same subject line as the one
I sent to liverpool@juggler.net so I know it was from
there that they came from.
your:[the Bastard]
Unfortunately lycos mail doesn't seem to be working at the moment.. grr. I'll send it early tomorrow morning.
Meanwhile, davesy found this: A real life bastard
Also chatting to him we discussed:
twodiabolo: Odd how N Green doesn't show up on deja
for anything but rec juggling though.
lukeburrage: yes...
lukeburrage: maybe he just got internet access...
twodiabolo: Well apparently he has just moved so that figures
lukeburrage: his email adress ha got 99 on the end
though... maybe it is just an older account...
Sewing seeds, that's what it's all about.
-- - - - -- -------- -
Thur 8, Feb: My email has now whipped up some interest with people discussing weather [the Bastard] should be banned totally. They seem to think all [the Bastard] wants to do is fight but that isn't true. I just want him to be a bastard.
Some quotes:
"Mind you, once he does step out of line... bust his ass!"
"Sorry Paul, AFIAC he already has been offensive - see his posting
re 'girlies can't juggle'. "
"i find this very offensive."
"If it *is* a wind-up, its not a very funny one. I consider what we
have here on UK-J is special - I don't want to see it spoiled by
idiots who appear to have no consideration for other people's
sensibilities (and yes, I know my fascist side is showing when I say
that, and yes, it is contradictory)."
The thing is, I don't seem to be able to post any replies until mini moderates them so I'll turn my attention back to rec.juggling and side with the good against Dave Bostick, another (apparently real) bastard. I'll see if I can get him and [the Bastard] into a slanging match...
In article <95tvpp$nle@nntp.seflin.org>,
deadeye@dc.seflin.org (Dave Bostock) wrote:
>
> I've archived this series of posts and will be preparing a summary for
> my legal service. Can't wait to see how hard they laugh at the bait and
> now familiar protracted ambush.
Dave, for fucks sake why don't you stop wasting your
time on this "sue your ass" fantasy world you are
creating for yourself, bitcing on to all these jugglers
who don't give a toss and wasting everyones time,
effort and bandwidth and spend some time learning
to juggle. How do you think you can win any legal
battle based on text from the internet which could
have been made up by anyone? Think about it, you
guys in Florida have trouble counting bits of paper.
Take the hint,
yours:[the Bastard]
--
[the Bastard] can juggle two more than you.
How about it? Now, just sit back and relax....
--- -- - -
A bit later
I got a nice response to my message to rec.juggling which you can read here. The one bit I don't like is where he asks for some techno guys to look up my source, which could maybe expose me for running this scam from Scarbugger, rather then North London, like I should be.
Also, I'll have to work out what "darfc" means.
Actually, I'm looking at one of Dave Bostick's replies to one of my posts to rec.juggling. He has a fascination with posting the full header of someone he is mildly upset by. If I'm thinking straight, he'll probably post the full header of [the Bastards] reply and if someone has way to much time on their hands they might be able to find that the "NNTP-Posting-Host: 172.147.239.43" number might be the same. Still, I've sent some from college and some from home so the chances are they won't get it... I hope
Another quote from uk_jugglers:
"Whether Nigel is really an arrogant moron of just a wind-up merchant, I get the feeling he must be pi**ing himself laughing at the reaction he's getting."
Well, I'm not exactly pi**ing mself but I am finding it mildly amusing, which is what I'm doing this for really, to amuse myself.
I also sent an email to mini:
How long are you going to keep this up? I posted
a message last night in my defense but as you
haven't let it through everyone keeps going on about it.
yours:[the Bastard]
And this one to nigel (the real nigel) when he asked why I wasn't defending myself:
I have tried sending posts to uk_jugglers but
they aren't getting through. My comment about
women not being able to juggle was meant to
just be a joke. I hope it wasn't that that got
me barred.
yours:other
--- -- --- ---
later: In an interesting turn of events, mini actually consults me via yahoo messenger about posting [the Bastards] latest email to uk_jugglers. I thought it was pretty amusing him trusting me like that considering I'm the one who started all this off.
After mini quoting the whole of the email that [the Bastard] sent our conversation went thus:
lukeburrage: well, I don't see anything wrong with
that, apart from he called me a rude name.
lukeburrage: He's got a point though, I did send
him an email which wasn't the nicest I'd written.
durhamcityjuggler: nope and the name could even be
true, but i just dont see it needed in uk jugglers
Luke, basically we are all mates on there even
the oness we dont know.. just aint met em yet..
dont really want an arse calling girls crap (i
happen to likemgirls a whole load!) and generally
insulting people
lukeburrage: you think he was serious about the
girls being crap bit?
durhamcityjuggler: dunno, but as i say it was
posted in my opinion to start a barney
lukeburrage: ok
lukeburrage: it seemed a bit like a bad joke to me.
durhamcityjuggler: i still think its dan the hat! 9-)
lukeburrage: I don't know dan.
durhamcityjuggler: youn will one day he is a
very funny guy
lukeburrage: Is this his style then?
durhamcityjuggler: not his usual styope no
more toungue ij cheej#k
lukeburrage: I can't talk when it comes to bad
jokes though.
And it's true! All this is one of my worst jokes yet...
- ------- -------- -
Fri 9, Feb: The arrival of [the Bastard] at uk_jugglers has caused a bit of a stir. Some people are saying he needs moderating or banning and others are saying bannning him is just a knee jerk reaction based on preconceptions. He isn't actually being moderated anymore and some people are moaning.
[the Bastard] actually got an email off mini about this but mini's spelling and grammar were so bad I couldn't understnd it. It was a good job he posted to uk_jugglers otherwise I wouldn't have known what he was on about.
Good news is that Colin E. got my emails and sent a message to uk_jugglers which ended like this:
"I have changed my mind, moderate the guy. Better still - just kick
him out."
No vieled reference to [the Bastard] being me... I think he's convinced (at last).
I also sent a message to rec.juggling as [the Bastard] with no swearing, no insults, no nothing. Now when people say I've not said anything constructive and only insult people on rec.juggling I can tell them where to shove it.
Nobody has picked up on the fact that [the Bastard] has posted...
I've also noticed that since he started swearing on rec.juggling there has been a sudden rise in the swearing by other people. Hmmm...
-- -- - ---- -- --
sat, 10 feb: Bummer, I just deleted what I wrote about this day.
I can't remember what I did [the Bastard] related either. I know I got an email off Mark Thomas about that post to rec.juggling. It went like this:
"Well done! A meaningful post at last. Keep it up."
And after long consideration on how I should reply I settled on:
"piss off"
Nice, I hope you agree.
- -- -- -- - ----
sun, 11 feb: I didn't do much today either, I posted to uk_jugglers as [the Bastard] (another totally un abusive post) but that was about it I think. I need to reassert [the Bastard's] bastardness. Maybe tomorrow.
I did chat to scott thingy on icq and he told about suspicians that [the Bastard] and I are the same person. I would copy some of it here but I also deleted that and can't workout how to view old messages on icq.
--- - ----- -- --
Wed, 14th feb:
Deja has been down for a while so [the Bastard] hasn't done anything on rec.jugling. He's not done much anywhere actually. I have just sent a new email to liverpool@juggling.net to ask if I should go there or to the hayes juggling get together.
Happy Valentines from [the Bastard].
---- - - --- later
I got a reply back from davesy:
Hi [the Bastard],
The liverpool@juggler.net address forwards through
to me in case you're wondering why you're getting
mail from this address and not that one.
As I said when I responded to your first post on
UK_jugglers, I was unsure what to do when you mailed
me because of the way you had been talking on rec.juggling.
I didn't realise Luke and Colin were going to reply to you.
Sorry if I upset you by forwarding the mail but I did need
to ask advice on
it.
I'd say it is still worth coming to the convention. Have
you been to any conventions in the UK before? As for the
show - what sort of thing were you thinking of doing?
The approach we generally take is to book a couple of
'professional' acts, get some local people to do something,
and then work out who else we can get to do things on the
day. I think we'd welcome more acts, but it would help
to have an idea of what you're thinking of doing.
Maybe see you on the 24th,
Dave
>
> I was wondering if I should make it up to liverpool or just
> go to that hayes get together instead. I know now you don't
> want me in the show (your loss) but is it still worth coming to?
> yours:[the Bastard]
>
I'll reply tomorrow. Maybe.
-- - --- --
Fri, 16 feb: I decided not to reply to davesy's email. I thought I would wait fo [the Bastard] to be mentioned on uk_jugglers and reply there. Someone did actually type out a long email which mentioned [the Bastard] on on line so I replied to it and added one word:
>
>Is [the Bastard] going to Liverpool?
>
Yes.
I'm not sure what I should do for now. Deja is down so I'm having trouble posting o rec.juggling. I need to boost [the Bastards] bastardness out of the mildly bastard level I've platoed at and get some hyped notoriety going before he is exposed at Liverpool.
Saying that, I'm not sure I want to expose the truth behind [the Bastard] just yet. I'm quite enjoying making everyone believe that he is not me but I don't think I've done it for long enough. It was only a few days ago that Colin E stopped thinking it was me.
So, should I change my plans? I really do want to appear on stage as [the Bastard] but I also want to blame it all on Dan the Hat then on me and then have us both deny it. Maybe I could do both.
Not sure how though.
-- -- ------------------ -
Tues, 20 feb: Ok, I've decided that I'm not going to reveal who [the Bastard] is at Liverpool. I don't think enough people are convinced he is real, or not me.
So, I'm going to leave it a short while until after Liverpool Convention and make sure I get people's opinions of him from there. I'm also very busy at the moment with work/university/etc.
-- -- -- ----- --
Sometime later that week, feb: Just been in the chatroom:
th_lukas: ho hum.. early then...
N.Green: hello lukas
th_lukas: Bugger me, it's N. J. Green!
N.Green: No it's not, you idiot, it is his name that
you faked that time a few weeks ago. You really are a
sad wanker, lukas.
th_lukas: Not half as sad as you though, funking
son of a wankstain. Go and try pissing on someone
your own size.
N.Green: No, you've been up all night reading
alt.sex.kinky.animal.hamster.rotastack, you should
get a life, moron.
N.Green: I should get a life? You've been up all night
trying desperately to flash 7 clubs and catch it on
camera. Just admit it, you are a lying unsqueezed seeping
spot on a rhino's anus.
th_lukas: oops, I posted that one as the wrong person, I
really am shit at this comic personality creation.
mamphy: morning (08:20)
N.Green: See? You can't even fool an empty chatroom.
It's tossers like you who are bringing the level of
internet scams way down...
th_lukas: I know, I'm not an expert like Dan the Hat.
mamphy: So what's your excuse for being up so early then?
N.Green: I hope N.J. Green doesn't find out I'm using
his name as a practice for insults.
th_lukas: Early? I've not gone to sleep yet...
mamphy: Is that 'cos you slept all day yesterday?
N.Green: Probably.
th_lukas: Oops, wrong name. Again.
mamphy: Don't forget to send Dan a happy birthday mail today!!
N.Green: Dan the Hat? My real identity?
mamphy: Whatever. If it is, then you'll know you're
27 today
N.Green: No, this is luke just playing about.
th_lukas: I was bored so decided to log in as N.Green
again.
mamphy: You're soo finny.
N.Green: Yes, luke, you really are that sad, sitting
there chatting to yourself, insulting yourself...
mamphy: You haven't mentioned he's a twat yet
th_lukas: I know, but see, mamphy thinks I'm funny.
N.Green: Mamphy doesn't think you're funny, she's being
sarcastic. You should know, she's your girlfriend. And
yes, I'm a twat.
Some times I don't know why I bother... all that just to further the myth...
---- - --- - - -
Wed 28, feb: Where to start?
Well, I've been busy for ages and then was too lazy to do a [Bastard] update. So I'll just go through some things from the past week as they come to me...
At the Liverpool Juggling Convention I waited for the subject of [the Bastard] to turn up. It did quite quickly, so I guess people were talking about it while I wasn't there or couldn't hear. And that was with him mentioning on uk_jugglers that he would go there. Still, now I have to think up an excuse as to why he didn't show up. Either:
-off sick
-at a juggling job
-couldn't be bothered
-skint
I heard quite a few people making jokes in a "two more than you" theme. I'm quite proud of that really...
I can't think of any specific thing about him though. Some people (I can't remember who... I had gone a bit too long without sleep) mentioned, um, something... oh, forget, let's see what happened today.
Actually, before that I remembered something I said to Little Paul and Ewan about making up a fictional character and posting to rec.jugglers, etc. They said it was a good idea, but for me not to tell them who or when I was doing it... well, the jokes on them already. I might actually do that though, as a backup plan incase someone finds this page. Or as a fake one to sho people just exactly how bad I could do this job. Not sure yet...
---- -
Today: People (including me) were posting about [the Bastard] and how he didn't show up at liverpool. Read a bit of this, this one, here, etc. I especially liked:
> Attendance :- not great, any ideas why ?
...it might of been the threat of [the Bastard] turning
up and doing 2 more than everyone else.
Anyway, becuase of this I wanted to show that [the Bastard] was still reading rec.juggling and that he knew people were taking the piss. But I dodn't want to get him into an argument with people so I decided to reafirm his bastardness in another, novel way that presented itself...
>===== Original Message From Arthur Lewbel =====
>Claude Shannon, one of the greatest minds of the 20th century, and
>inventor of Shannon's juggling Theorem and creator of the original
>juggling robot, died on Saturday, Feb. 24, at the age of 84, after a
>lengthy struggle with Alzheimer's
>disease. Those of us who knew him will miss him greatly.
What is Shannon's Juggling Theorem?
>
>I spoke to his wife today; she said his passing was peaceful and
>painless.
How many could he pass?
>
>Among his many (nonjuggling) inventions was the use of boolean algebra
>for computer logic, the idea of digital (as opposed to analog)
>communication, and the first paper on teaching computers to play chess.
yours:[the Bastard]
I was trying to keep in the vain of bad taste... yet showing he might have some kind of sense of humour...
--
Of course, people would see through this quite easiliy...
twodiabolo: He's playing the game he plays - he posted
somewhere else just to people would know he's about. He
wants attention.
Not really sure what else to tell you... just keeping up the image...
-- - -- --- -
Sat 3rd, march: More stupid [the Bastard] posts and piss takes. How about:
>Now tell me why women are attracted to unicycle as often, or more
>often than men. Hm? I'd guess for the same reason they are as
>frequently attracted to contact juggling and poi: it's dance.
No, it is the same reason all girls learn to ride a bike. It excites
them in a way men can't appreciate.
yours:[the Bastard]
--- --------- -- -
Later In March: I've decided to let [the Bastard] mellow out a bit, calm down, become more real. I really don't want to expose the truth about him, as was my original intention. I think I'll tell some selected people the truth just before or at the British Juggling convention then let them in on the act by pretending to have met him there. Hopefully I can get a group of 3 or 4 of us to keep up the myth.
Meanwhile, I'll keep posting messages now and then as [the Bastard] to keep him in the minds of the people.
----- - --- -- --
Sun 15th, April: Wow! It has been ages since I've updated this page...
Anyway, it is almost time for the British Juggling convention so I made sure the people at uk_jugglers know that [the Bastard] will be there. Nice.
-- ----- ------- --
ALL OF MAY: I told nobody at the British, I just couldn't bring myself to let go of my secret. I kept posting as [the Bastard] throughout but just didn't keep up this diary, I lost interest a bit.
Then, at the end of May I was chatting to Mark Thomas about stuff. I was thinking of telling him about the truth but he worked it out after Nigel posted a message with lots of things I'd said to Mark in it.
He did a bit of winding up but I thought that the spark had gone now another person knew. Take for example the madneww that went on in the Uk_juggler/LPBK chatroom. I started copying it down after 4 different people (no idea who) had started chatting as NigelJGreen under various user names (a bit long, but funny, read from the bottom):
chrissutton: hello everybody
HelenS: golly you'd better stop - this is becoming almost as petty as a real NJG thread
** th_lukas did too.... whoops. **
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: yeah I know they all saw me stand up first
nigeljgreen: did too
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: everyone saw I stood up first
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: liar
** nigeljgreen stands up too. But before that other imposter one did. **
** NigeltwomorethanyouGreen stands up **
** N.Green sings ''I'm nigel green yes I'm the real nigel all you other Nigel greens are just imitating so won't the real nigel please stand up, please stand up....'' **
** nigeljgreen makes dave.barnes say what he was thinking **
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: that wasn't very nice
HelenS: fine. I will
nigeljgreen: oooops
dave.barnes: don't join us, Piss off.
HelenS: can't he check?
** N.Green spits. **
N.J.Green: join us
HelenS: he found about 57 dave gormans in the end
HelenS: the is turning into that dave gorman programme
NigelGreen: Come on dave. Join us.
markthomas: Leaving the americans.
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: only if you change your name.
dave.barnes: I'll have america if the maericans have been removed first.
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: oh and I'll have south east asia. for the beaches. and the prostitutes. oops did I just say that?
NigelGreen: I'm having Scandinavia. They make nice films.
markthomas: Did I? sorry.
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: You can come visit if you like
dave.barnes: you started it!
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: haha it will never stop. We're going to take over the world. New Zealand's mine
** markthomas wonders when all this Nigel tomfoolery will stop **
HelenS: hehe I wonder whether nigelgreen knows what kind of image that gives to a medical student
HelenS: you have what?
** HelenS hopes some REM will induce her to do some work **
** NigelGreen gives NigeltwomorethanyouGreen two more fingers than you gave me **
N.Green: I have lala
** NigeltwomorethanyouGreen gives nigeljgreen the finger **
nigeljgreen gives imposters the
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: You guys better leave off ripping me bout my name, or I might have to sue you
NigelGreen: I have 2 more swiss bank accounts than you.
HelenS: Don't get me started. Be warned. I WILL type the whole song :)
dave.barnes: Can we call you Bruce?
N.Green: I have two more fake id's than you.
markthomas: 5 Nigels.
markthomas: this is really confusing now.
NigeltwomorethanyouGreen: No I is nigel!
th_lukas: I know....
NigelGreen: cause you know I'm really nigel.
dave.barnes: Seamless, Luke. Seamless.
NigelGreen: Nice one Luke.
N.Green: I is da Nigel....
th_lukas: oops, wrong box.
NigelGreen: i have my username.
N.J.Green: No I won't. Look I've already got a good handle.
th_lukas: I is da Nigel, boyashhakka.
markthomas: How do you know he's not alrady here.
dave.barnes: he'll be ed for getting an easy username if he ever does come here!
Madness I know. I dunno who came in as C.Sutton either...
Anyway, discarding all the exciting plans to reveal him (using videos, disguises, renegade acts, stage performances, etc) I thought I'd just tell people.
--- - -- -- --
Fri 1st, June:
So I think you're up to date.