nine ball flash
the nine ball flash guestbook competition
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In an effort to encourage feedback for this site I decided to run a small competition. The results below.

-music fades

Give a warm welcome to your host, William Willliams!


Hello, hello. Welcome to the first ever edition of this fantastic new game show: The nine ball flash Guestbook Challeeeeeeennnnnggggeeeeeee!


Thank you, thank you....

-audience shout "THANK YOU!" in a totally unrehearsed catchphrase chant.

This new format question and answer game has only one topic. Yes, you've guest it, the guestbook. Ever since there has been a link to it on Luke Burrage's Thing on the Net, people have been leaving short messages there, comments on what they think of the website. Lets take a short journey back in time and take a look at the very first entry...

-wobbly screen fx

Here we see Luke first putting the guestbook on his site. To check it is working, he decides to leave a message and check back on it...

Guest's Name: Eric the Viking
Guest's Home Page: Don't Have One
Date Signed: Thu Nov 4 12:48:08 1999
Referred By:

Paddy and murphy in bed together. Paddy- "Hey murphy, I don't think much to this wife swapping."

-silence from the audience

Ok, ok, it's not exactly the funniest joke in the book, but it did the job. The guestbook was up and running, had its first entry and was ready for more!

-wobbly screen fx

Before we get onto our big prize winning game, let's get one of the audience members down here for the exciting Triple Question, Multiple Answer Guestbook Knowledge Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee!

-audience applause

Now, before you all came into the studio, a member of the crew placed a single small winegum, laced with industrial dye, on one of the seats. So everyone stick out your tongues and lets see who our lucky, blue tongued contestant is tonight!

-audience all stick their tongues out

It's YOU! Yes, you in the third row. Come on down!

-young woman nervously walks onto the stage

Hello, and what's your name?


And how old are you Kate?

I'm 24, William.

24? That's just 7 years younger than me... and call me Willy

Um, ok.... Willy...

Ok, are you ready to play?

I think so.

You just sit over there on that stool with the spotlight on you and I'll stand here and read from this clever little computer console. Lets play the Triple Question, Multiple Answer Guestbook Knowledge Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmmmmmmmmmmeeeeeeeee!

-audience applause

First question: On May the 14th last year, Ben Beever, world record holding numbers juggler, signed the guestbook. What did he say? Was it
A - "Nice page"
B - "Nice one" or
C - "Nice one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven and I'm working on twelve"

Ummmmmmmm, tricky...

Take your time, Kate, 50 pounds rests on this one question

I think it might be... B?

You're saying B?

Yes. B.

You're right, you've won 50 pounds!


Next question, worth another 100 pounds: Back on November the 27th last year, Donald Grant, world class diaboloist who performs with Cirque du Soleil, signed the guestbook. He he was bored backstage and used an office computer while nobody was looking, but which German City was he performing in that night? Was it
A - Berlin
B - Munich
C - Frankfurt

Um, was it A?

A you say?

I think so. Yes, deffinately A.

I'm sorry, but you're wrong!

-audience sigh

The anser was of course C, Frankfurt. Ok, last question, worth 200 pounds. So far you have won 50 pounds. Are you ready?

Yes William... er, willy.

Earlier this year, "Pete the Great" signed the guestbook with the innocent looking message: "Great site please visit mine". We all know how that turned out, Luke Burrage publicly exposing his site for what it was. Later, after "Pete the Great" found an article on this website reviewing his own, he wrote another entry in the guestbook. Was it
A - "I still love your site"
B - "Thanks for the constructive feedback on my website"

Um... I don't know...

Think about it, take your time.

I think maybe B.

Are you sure?

Yes, B.

I mean are you really sure?

It is B.

Are you sure it's not another of the answers, like maybe C?

No, it's B.

Not C?

No, B.

Ok. You are still saying B?

No, wait, I think it could be C.

That is right! It was C! You've just won 200 pounds to go with your 50!

-audience applause How do you feel?

I feel great willy!

Ok, take this cheque and you're free to go.... no, not back to your seat, out through the back to my your dressing room, that's right.

-audience applause

Now onto the main feature of the night... The 100th Guestbook Entry Wiiiiinnnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeerrrrrrrrr!

-stuttering applause

A few weeks ago, Luke Burrage noticed a that there was 96 entries in the guestbook and decided to award a prize to the 100th entry. Many people have tried but there is only one winner. Let's use this big screen and check it out live!

-audience go oooooh

Let's see.... um... oh, I can't find it... how about.. no, that's not it... ah, if I type in.... um.... 1000, no 100... um... ah! Here it is!

Guest's Name: jibe
Guest's Home Page: pour qq passes de plus
Date Signed: Mon May 21 08:15:35 2001
Referred By:

keep on wrtiting funny and sarcastic stuff. It's great fun. I just love your 'top worst web page'. Poor Chris (I don't know if he really deserves it) ! Like your cartoon too.

Well done JiBe!

-audience applause

Let's find out a little more about out lucky winner... how about checking his website... um.... let's see...

" Pour quelques passes de plus...

où l'on parle de passing et autres concepts pour plusieurs jongleurs

Bienvenue sur un site entièrement consacré au passing et aux vols de massues.
Soyez avertis, le site est jeune et son contenu essentiellement technique. La section "passing à plusieurs" (plus que trois) est la plus aboutie. Les autres sont encore en construction avec plein de nouvelles choses à venir.
Vous trouverez sur le site un nombre conséquent d'idées, mais il vous faudra pour cela faire l'effort de rentrer dans les schémas explicatifs (en attendant des animations plus amusantes - que vous pourrez bientôt visualiser avec JoePass! -)."

Eh? That is all nonsense... what.... um.... Oh, it's in French!

-audience laugh

I'm being told by the voice in my ear that we can translate it online using babelfish... let's see if that makes things any clearer...

" For some master keys moreover...

where one speaks much about reach dropping and other concepts for less than few jugglers

Welcome on a site entirely devoted to the passing and the flights of bludgeons.
be informed, the site is young and its primarily technical contents. The section " passing with several " (more than three) is succeeded. The others are still in construction with full with new things with venir.
You will find on the site a consequent number of ideas, but it will be necessary for you for that to make the effort re-enter in the explanatory diagrams (while waiting for animations more amusing - that you will be able to visualize soon with JoePass! -) "

Well I think we can safely say that even now, nobody has a clue. Those crazy French! Speeking foriegn languages and throwing bludgeons, what will they think of next?

-audience laugh

I bet you are all wondering exactly what JiBe has won. I can tell you it isn't just a shallow cash prize but something that will some day be worth a lot less then it is now... yes, JiBe is now the proud owner of...

-audience gasp as they see the prize

Luke Burrage's collection of old juggling convention passes!

-audience applause

Here we have the colourful card and plastic one from cambridge, the cd from durham, a pair of chopsticks from bristol and the bit of card on a string from the last british! Not just one, but FOUR pieces of useless tat! It doesn't get much better than this!

-audience go wild

Ladies and gentlemen, you've been a great audience, I hope you've enjoyed the show. Expect more competitions at nine ball flash in the future, where Luke can give away more stuff he doesn't want any more. Look out for the upcoming "Best Caption Suggestion for This Pictures wins a set of eight home made Juggling beanbags" competition and the "Two dozen things to do with a broken juggling Club" contest.

-audience goes ooooh

That's it for now, have a good night. I've been William Williams, thank you thank you...

-audience shouts "THANK YOU" and breaks into a sustained applause over end theme

© 2001 Luke Burrage