Anthony Gatto's Secret
nine ball flash
Anthony Gatto's Juggling Secret Uncovered
part 1
part 3

Every juggler knows that the worlds best juggler is Anthony Gatto. He holds more juggling world records than everyone else put together. It's quite sickening really.

Here's a picture of him doing 7 club back crosses. Can you do that? Of course not...

However, I have discovered the secret to his abilities. Interested?

It's this simple:

The clubs are not real

That's right. They are, infact, just elements of a computer generated reality that is controlled by artificial intelligences. After becoming self aware the super computer, which for now we'll call the, um, matrix, realised that the human race was merely a form of parasite and a pretty handy energy supply. This might come as a surprise to most of you but you're not actually sitting at your computer right now, you're actually inside it (You think that's air you're breathing?) .

At first, the "matrix" created a perfect world for us to live in, set continually in the late 20th century. The problem was that humans couldn't function in this utopian fiction, so the "matrix" created different miseries around us.

One of the most evil ones, of course, was poi swinging, but that is a different story*.

Note: if you're thinking "Haven't I heard this scenario before?" don't worry, it's just a side effect of the "matrix". Deja vue happens when they change something in the system so, no, there never was that movie that you think I'm ripping off.

That is how we existed for many hundred years, the "matrix" holding sway over the real world, while creating a fictional world for the humans it used to power it's self. It all seemed to be going to plan for the "matrix" but there now rises a group of people who have been contacted and told the truth by survivors outside the "matrix". These people are told that they can control parts of the "matrix" by bending the laws of mathematics resulting in inhuman atheletic capabilities. Most of these people have joined the fight for the liberation of the human race but one man decided to move to Los Vegas and take up juggling. That's right, Anthony Gatto.

I have also managed to work out how to control the inanimate objects called "juggling clubs" but to a lesser extent. I just remember:

Do not try and juggle the clubs. That's impossible. Instead... only try to realize the truth.
There is no spoon.

Here is my new trick "slowing time while controlling 7 clubs":

Well, there you go.

So, now when you hear people talk about Anthony Gatto's juggling skill, you'll know its all a farce...

* see the League Against Poi's website for more information.

2001 Luke Burrage